HAGAR'S LITTLE HELPER - PART 5

“What’s that big grin on your face all about?” Kyle asks for the twentieth time in as many minutes. “You going to tell me what happened, or not?”

“Maybe.” I snap the laser assembly into place and check it over. He frowns at me in silence for few moments.

“Aren’t we supposed to be buddies?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t we keep each other’s backs?”

“Uh huh.” I slide the covering plate into place and flip the safety switch into test mode. The beam that comes out of the weapon has no power to it, but it shows that everything is working properly. I reset the switch, set the completed rifle aside and pick up the sight assembly. Kyle rests his chin in one hand and drums the fingers of his other hand on the table.

“Don’t we share things with each other?”

“All the time.”

“Then why am I not being updated on what happened between you and the princess?”

“Because nothing happened, that’s why.”

“Liar. Why are you grinning?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Just because.” I snap the sights into place. “It’s hard to explain.”

He straightens and slaps his palm on the table top. “Damn it, Garn, will you quit with the torture and just tell me what happened?” He leans close. “Come on, spill the details. Was there any tongue involved? Tell me there was tongue involved.”

Right then the general alarm goes off. Troops fill the corridor, racing past us toward the far end of the hall. A captain standing near an archway bellows over the din.

“We have an alert! Hostage situation, on the dungeon levels! All troops, get your weapons!”

I snap my head around to look at Kyle. He’s already on his feet with rifle in hand. I grab mine and we fall into step with the rest.

“It’s getting late, Lotor. If Tira returned along the same route we took to the lab, she would have been back a long time ago, even if she had to retrace her steps a few times. Something’s wrong.” Hagar paces back and forth across the throne platform, her expression flickering between thoughtfulness and worry and back again. She pauses, looks in my direction, rubs at her chin and begins to pace once more. I wish I knew what she’s thinking. I wonder if she suspects what’s going on.

Modru enters the room on cue at a near run, flanked by two Captains. They all come to a halt at the bottom of the steps.

“Your Majesty!” Modru gives a hasty bow. “Something terrible has happened! The escaped prisoners have taken your sister hostage. They demand a ship in exchange for her safe return.”

“Demand? They dare to make a demand, of me?” I leap up from the throne and Hagar hurries over.

“Lotor, play along with them. Do as they ask and give them the ship. I’ll be able to intercept them long before they get anywhere near it.”

“I believe they’ve already taken that possibility into consideration, Hagar,” Modru replies. “Their leader has threatened to shoot the princess on the spot if any rescue is attempted or if you make an appearance at any time during their departure to the escape ship.”

Hagar scowls as she turns to face Modru. “I have ways to be present in an area without being seen. They’d never know the difference.”

Modru gives the slightest shrug of his shoulders. “Very well, if you wish to endanger the princess’s life that way. I’m sure you’ve taken all the risks into account. I defer to your judgment.”

Hagar looks shocked for a second, then she gets downright angry. The look she throws at Modru promises him a slow, painful death at her hands if the opportunity ever presents itself. Modru doesn’t react at all. I don’t even see him sweat. Sometimes I wonder how he can keep his cool around the old bat so easily when she has the rest of the castle running scared.

Hagar breaks off the evil eye and turns toward me. “Sire, let me think of a way to take care of this. I’m sure I can apply my magic in the safest possible manner.”

“I don’t agree, Sire,” Modru replies. “I feel that negotiation is the best approach, but of course His Majesty has the final word on how we should proceed.”

Both of them fix their gaze on me, waiting for a reply. Now it’s time for the real performance to begin. I pause for what I think is long enough to make it look like I’m considering the matter carefully before I speak.

“Yes, I do have the final say. And I say that Cossack is the one that brought all this trouble to our doorstep, so he should be the one to remedy it.” I point at the Captains on Modru’s left and right. “Go to his room, wake him up and tell him I want him here right now. Drag him here if you have to.”

“Cossack, Sire?” Modru arches an eyebrow.

“Cossack?” Hagar makes a face. “He was drunk when we left him last.”

“He’ll have to sober up, then. I’ve had enough of his bragging and posturing. He says he can deal with these rebels. Now let’s see him prove it.”

Hagar is crestfallen. “As you wish, Sire. I’ll be waiting in my robeast lab for any news.” She bows and hurries down the steps, glaring at Modru as she passes him by. Modru doesn’t bat an eyelash. I wait for a minute or two after I’m sure she’s gone, then I motion for him to approach. He nods and ascends the stairs.

“So far so good,” I say to him when he gets close.

He gets a slight smile. “Yes. She seems to think it’s entirely a political matter, with me trying to prove I can handle the situation better than she can. And the switch of responsibility to Cossack sets everything up for the final move.” He gets a worried look. “Are you certain that you’ll be able to convince him to hunt the rebels down with no mercy?”

“It’s a given, Modru. Don’t worry. I know how to deal with him.”

“Very well. Assuming the rest goes as anticipated, you should be attending the princess’s funeral by the end of the week.”

“Outstanding. Too bad I can’t toast it with a drink.”

“Not a good idea, Sire. Hagar would definitely be suspicious if she caught you celebrating under the circumstances. I believe she has some doubts anyway but she can’t prove them or she would have confronted us about it by now. I’m also certain she’ll think up another way to try and help the princess on her own, but we’ll have to let it go at that.”

“What if she succeeds?”

“Then we’ll try something else later on.”

“Another scorpion, maybe,” I mutter to myself.

“Scorpion, Sire?”

“Yeah. I gave Tira an extra little gift in her flowers the other evening. It didn’t get her, though, obviously.”

Now, after keeping his cool all this time, Modru suddenly looks frightened out of his wits. “Does the princess know you did it?”

“Yes, she certainly does.”

He blanches and looks like he’s about to have a heart attack on the spot. “If she told Hagar, then Hagar could be plotting against us as we speak!”

“Will you relax? Of course she didn’t tell Hagar. No one wants to be called a crybaby, not even Tira.”

Modru ponders my reply for a moment. “I believe you’re right. Hagar would have had something to say about it if she knew…” He huffs out a sigh of relief. I chuckle at him as I sit back down on the throne.

“You worry way too much, old timer.”

“I’m an adviser, Sire. It’s my duty to worry way too much.”

“Then you’re doing your job very well.”

He doesn’t reply. We both wait in silence for Cossack to arrive.

The robots cleaning the lab floor discreetly grab their buckets and retreat when I storm into the room. They know when I’m in a bad mood, and they’re wise enough to keep out of harm’s way until I calm down again. Only Coba is brave enough to approach, rubbing against my robes and purring. I scoop him up into my arms and pet him as I pace back and forth.

Cossack. I can’t believe Lotor chose Cossack to resolve our problem with the escaped prisoners. If Lotor doesn’t trust him to keep the lazon reserves safe, then why would he pick that glorified amphibian to handle such a delicate situation, especially with him as drunk as -

I stop, dead still, in the middle of the floor. Didn’t Lotor say that he had guards posted in the halls near Cossack’s room in case the girl tried something? If so, then how did the other prisoners get past those guards, shoot Cossack, grab the girl and leave again, all without being seen? Not one of the soldiers posted in the hallway mentioned anything about a fire-fight when Lotor and I arrived at Cossack’s room.

I begin to wander back and forth again as I ponder the details of what’s happened so far. The clues point to Cossack being set up. There’s only one person I can think of who has the talent and the resources both to make such a thing happen. Modru, damn him to the depths of the Abyss. He must have thought he would look very good to Lotor when he dealt with the rebels and saved the day while poor old Hagar stood around looking like a senile old fool. His plan didn’t work entirely, though. I’d bet my crystal ball that he wasn’t counting on Lotor to turn the responsibility over to Cossack instead of him. Too bad for you, you scheming old bastard.

Even so, if that idiot Cossack tries to rescue Tira in his current state, he’ll get her killed. I’ll have to engineer a rescue of my own, and I think I know just who I can recruit to do it.

I walk over to open the lab doors and set Coba down on the floor. He yawns and stretches lazily.

“Go, kitty, find me that soldier that was flirting with Tira this morning and bring him back here.”

Coba lopes off to do my bidding. I walk over to the observation windows and ponder my options as I wait for him to return.

“Kyle, hey! Over here!” A soldier waves my partner and me over to a group that’s gathered at the top of the stairs leading from the slave’s quarters to the dungeon level. We fall in with them. A few others join the crowd before Captain Talik turns to address us.

“Okay, all of you listen up! This is a hostage situation, and you are to follow orders exactly. You will take up defensive positions at all exits to keep the prisoners trapped on the dungeon level. There is to be no use of lasers when dealing with the escapees. They’ve taken Princess Tiralyn as a hostage, and they’ll probably try to use her as a shield. So stun beams only, got it?”

I look around at Garn. He’s got his mystery look on his face, the expression where his features set into stone and I can’t quite tell what he’s thinking. I can guess what’s on his mind, though, and I’m pretty sure it involves a lot of human blood being spilled.

The Captain begins to send men down the steps a squad at a time. Hagar’s cat shows up just as we’re about to go with our group and walks right in Garn’s way. He stops and blinks down at it as it rubs against his boots.

“Hagar’s cat,” Captain Talik says. “Looks like the old witch wants to talk to you, Lieutenant. Better get going.”

Garn looks around at me. “Uh-oh,” he says softly.

“Uh-oh? What’s ‘uh-oh’ for?”

“That’s not your problem, soldier,” the Captain says to me. “Catch up with your group!”

The cat walks away, pausing to turn back and see if Garn is following it. Garn gives me a helpless shrug and leaves. I shrug back and start down the steps.

Cossack staggers into the throne room with the two officers I sent to get him right behind. He’s back in uniform, and his ever-present whip is hanging off of his belt. It takes three tries for him to salute me as he comes to a wobbly stop at the bottom of the throne platform. The other men try to steady him but he makes a threatening gesture at them to make them back off and begins his laborious trip to the top. I almost want to make a bet with Modru as to whether or not he’ll lose his balance halfway along and bounce right back down the stairs. I think the Captains already have. They’re whispering to each other as Cossack advances, step by wavering step. He finally arrives, safe and sound, and salutes me again.

“You rang, Yer ‘Lustrous Potentate?”

“Yes I did, Cossack. Do you have any idea of what’s been going on recently?”

He casts a squinting gaze around the area. “Redecorating...? You could use a new carpet around here or something. This room always did look kinda bare to me.”

“No, you brainless idiot! I’m talking about the mess you’ve made. After months of peace and quiet, I have all this trouble going on at once because of five lousy slaves. Five slaves that you brought here.” I point the royal scepter at him for emphasis. “Those rebels are roaming freely through my castle, they’ve wounded my soldiers and kidnapped my sister. They’re making a complete mockery of me, and they have to be stopped.”

He sets his mouth in a grim line and fingers the handle of his whip. “Yeah, I realize that, Your Noble Nastiness. ‘Sall my fault. I’ll take care of it. Just you wait and see.”

“Then do it now. I’ve already placed soldiers at every exit from the dungeon to the upper levels. Take as many others as you need and go deal with them, once and for all.”

“All right, I’m on the job. I’ll bring ‘em back in chains, guaranteed.”

“No chains, Cossack. I want them shot. Every last one of them, and you bring the bodies back for confirmation. Understand?”

Cossack looks confused. “All of ’em shot? But isn’t Hagar supposed to get them to experiment on?” He brushes a thumb along the handle of his whip again and then he gets worried. “What about my girlie? Can’t I save my girlie? You promised I could have her…”

Modru glances at me out of the corner of his eye. The old witch was right, much as I hate to admit it. Cossack is way too determined to have this woman. He could blow the whole setup just because he’s thinking with his groin. Father used to blame me for doing that all the time. Still, if she’s that important to him, I know exactly what to do.

“Yes, Cossack, you can save your girlie. But here are the conditions of the deal. All the rest of them must die. You understand? I want five laser-riddled corpses brought back when this is over.”

Cossack scratches his head and counts on his fingers. “Five…? You want me to bag everybody else, including the princess?”

“Especially the princess, Cossack. She’s not the sweet little thing you think she is. You don’t know what’s been going on behind the scenes. She’s already tried to kill me once, and she’s barely been here a full day.”

His jaw drops. “Tried to kill you? No kidding?”

“No kidding. I woke up this morning and found a scorpion in a gift she had sent to my room the night before. If I hadn’t been alert, I would be dead right now.”

Cossack frowns. “Damn, what a nasty little bitch. You give her an invite, and she tries to make herself Queen of Doom.”

“That’s why she needs to be taken care of, before she can try to kill me again.”

He nods gravely. “I gotcha. I get the feeling the old bat’s going to have a fit over her being whacked, though.”

“Which is why you have to make it look like an accident. And if you can’t do that, you tell your men what they’re supposed to remember about the incident. You went to her rescue, there was a fire-fight, and she was accidentally shot and killed during the exchange of laser fire. Got it?”

He claps his hand to his chest and nods again. “Gotcha, oh mighty King. I’m all over it. That treacherous little minx is as good as dead.” He turns and weaves his way back down the steps. The two officers waiting at the bottom fall in step behind him as he leaves. I look up at Modru.

“Was that okay? Letting him save his ‘girlie’, I mean.”

Modru nods. “I believe so, Sire. If you hadn’t given him permission, he no doubt would have tried to rescue her anyway.”

“Yeah, I think you’ve got a point there. Is that going to foul things up?”

“I don’t believe so, as long as he’s able to maintain control of the situation.”

“Modru, he’s drunk off his ass. He couldn’t navigate his way out of a paper bag right now.”

“It’s still quite all right. He may be inebriated, but the officers under him will be sober and able to carry out his orders well enough.”

“And what about Hagar? If she gets to Tira first -”

“If she gets to Tira first, you will express a relief, however reluctant, that your sister has been brought back safe and sound. It will give the princess the impression that you actually do care, and she’ll lower their guard around you. Then the next try with the scorpion might just work after all.”

I grin at him. “You’re good, Modru. I’m honestly glad I didn’t execute you with the rest of your pals.”

His jaw clenches ever so slightly. “Most generous of you, Sire.”

“Well, I guess there’s not much else to do until Cossack reports the results. You can go now. See you around.”

“Yes, Sire.” He dips his head to me and leaves. Now it’s time for me to indulge in my own girlies. I hop up from the throne and head for the entertainment room.

Hagar’s cat stops in front of the doors leading to her lab. I reach out to press a button on the door panel but the doors part by themselves before I can touch it. I step through the doorway. Hagar is standing by the windows of her observation deck with her back to me.

“Come in, Lieutenant,” she says without turning. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Yes, Hagar.” I approach slowly, remembering her threat about what would happen to someone caught laying hands on the princess. I could try using the argument that the princess actually touched me first, but I’m not that petty. I will face my punishment like a man, or at least try to.

The old witch turns to look at me as I get close. I snap to attention immediately. She stares at me for a long time without speaking, then she crosses the last few feet of space between us. She comes to a halt directly in front of me.

“So you like her, do you?”

“I...yes. I do.”

“Is this a genuine interest, or just a passing conquest?” She studies my face carefully as she waits for the answer. I find myself fumbling inwardly for the reply despite all of my discipline. I dare not lie to her, but it’s equally disquieting to have to admit my feelings for the princess in her presence.

“She’s a genuine interest, definitely.”

“Are you aware of what’s happened to her?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to see to her safety?”

“Yes.”

“Even if it entails considerable risk?”

“Yes.”

She smiles. “Good. Then listen carefully. Commander Cossack is on his way to try and rescue her from those humans. I don’t want that to happen because I know he’ll botch the mission somehow. I need for you to get to her before Cossack even tries.” She begins to pace.

“The problem is this. My reputation is working against me this time. The rebels are terrified at the idea of having to deal with me, so they’ve threatened her life if it appears that I have the tiniest bit of involvement in what’s going on. With them being so skittish, they could mistake even a flicker of shadow as being something sent from me and do Tira some real harm.

“But you also can’t go storming in with a large body of troops, because control of nearly all castle personnel has been given to Cossack for the time being. I doubt he would assign any soldiers to you anyway because this is an opportunity for him to prove himself to Lotor,. He won’t want anyone else stealing his moment of glory.

“To sum it all up, you’ll be on your own for this assignment. You’ll only have whatever resources you can gather yourself, and you’ll have very little time to collect them and see your mission through. So I ask you again. Are you prepared to accept this responsibility?”

I salute her crisply. “I’m positive, Hagar. I’ll do whatever I must to see to the princess’s safety.”

She gets a little smirk. “Do you happen to like the color red, by any chance?”

“Beg pardon?”

“Never mind.” She picks up her cat and hands it to me. “Coba has been through every nook and cranny of the dungeon level on mouse hunts. He can take you there by a roundabout path.”

“Yes, Hagar.” I take the cat from her and cradle it in my arm. She gives him a pat on the head.

“Also take note. Anyone who sees you with him will think you’re running an errand for me - and you are - so you’ll be able to come and go as you please. No one has the authority to interfere with you except Lotor, his advisor or a high-ranking officer like Cossack, but they should all be avoided in the first place.”

“I understand.”

“Then you are dismissed. Good luck, soldier.”

To Hagar's Little Helper: Part 4

To Hagar's Little Helper: Part 6