| To Allura's New Groove: Part 9 |
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To Allura's New Groove: Part 11 |
“Well, that was a failed mission if ever there was one.” Alan removes the sleeve of his pullover shirt - the only part of it left - and studies it mournfully.
“Leave it to the genius here to run us into a dead end.” Lance glares at Pidge. “You’re damn lucky I wasn’t wearing my leather jacket. If that had gotten shredded, there’d be hell to pay.”
I smirk at Lance. “That’s awfully tough talk coming from a guy who’s wearing ‘Love Kitty’ boxers.”
“Shut up, Dexter. At least I was wearing something underneath. What do you suppose would’ve happened if Dunkirk lost his jeans?”
“I’da won first prize,” Dunkirk replies with a grin. Hunk chuckles and shakes his head.
“I don’t get it,” Galen says as he plunks down on a chair. “They took my sneakers and my socks, too.” He frowns and folds his arms. “Why would someone want a souvenir that smells like feet?”
“That’s why they call them ‘fanatics’, Galen,” Pidge replies.
The bathroom door opens and Keith pokes his head out. “Did they bring the clothes yet?”
“No,” Lance replies, “But one of the security guards did get your wallet back. It’s sitting on the Sergeant’s desk over there.”
“Oh, okay. Let me know when someone shows up.” He withdraws back into the bathroom and shuts the door firmly behind him. We all exchange looks.
“Alas, the price of fame,” Alan observes dryly.
“I don’t think it had anything to do with fame,” I tell him, “so much as one of those girls groping him a bit too hard when she tried for his briefs.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah.”
A lone security guard comes into the office a few minutes later, bearing an armload of T-shirts. “All right, gang...the custom embroidery shop donated these as soon as I explained what was going on. The pants are going to take a little longer to collect, though. Sorry about the inconvenience.”
“Not a problem,” Lance replies. He raps on the bathroom door, opens it up a little and hands the T-shirt through. Keith mutters a quiet thanks and Lance shuts the door again.
“We have to do something about this,” he says. “The girls are making us look pretty damn bad, if you ask me.” He folds his arms. “And just wait till I get my hands on Lynne.”
“Oh no, ye don’t,” Dunkirk says. “Ye’ll have t’ pick someone else t’ get even with. Th’ redhead is all mine.” He grins and cracks his knuckles. “That’s a pretty little bum that’s just a-waitin’ for me t’ plant me palm on it.”
“We need to formulate a serious plan in any case,” Hunk says. “Remember, we’re up against some of the most devious female minds on Arus. I oughtta know.”
Lance smirks at Hunk. “That’s right, you were one of the victims of the Great Boxer Raid, weren’t you?”
Hunk gets red-faced immediately. “Yeah...”
“Lucky bum,” Alan mutters. Hunk blinks at him.
“I wonder who formulated the initial plan this time,” Pidge muses aloud.
“I bet it was Shannon,” Galen replies. “Or Tasia.”
All the guys look around at me. I make a face at them. “Why is it always me that gets stared at whenever Tasia’s name comes up?”
“Because you’re her Captain as well as her boyfriend and you’re supposed to be keeping her in line,” Lance replies.
“Yeah right, like I can get her to listen when she sets her mind on something. I’ll tell you what. If any of you guys happen to know of a successful Tasia-taming method, I’m all ears.”
The group falls silent. I give them a smug look. “Thought so.”
Keith finally emerges from the bathroom with the T-shirt tied around his hips. “Actually, I think that both of them may have had a hand in it. Allura must have confided to Tasia that she wanted to sneak out, which is why Tasia wouldn’t tell me anything about what she and Allura discussed this morning. Then Tasia went to Shannon to figure out how to bypass the security systems and rig up whatever they did to the intercom in Allura’s bedroom. And the rest of the girls are there to provide additional support.”
I sit up straight in my seat. “That makes the most sense, Captain-Captain. So what’s the attack plan?”
“We return to the castle and wait. They have to come back sometime.”
“And what if they don’t? They’ve already broken enough rules to get them all locked away for life. What’s a few more offenses on top of that?”
“You’re forgetting about Allura. She may be enjoying herself for right now, but eventually she’ll realize how much trouble she’s caused and with any luck the weight of conscience will prevail. In the meantime, we’ll have to both maintain the ruse that she’s still in her room and think about how we’re going to retrieve her if she decides not to come back after all.”
“Do you really think she won’t come back?” Pidge asks.
“She cut her hair, Pidge. I think right now she’s capable of just about anything at this point. It’s got to be a phase she’s going through or something like that. All we have to do is endure until it passes. Then everything will be fine...I hope.” He frowns down at the T-shirt he’s wearing around his waist.
“Did anybody say when the pants are coming?”
“Okay, ladies, drinks are on me.” Lynne skips over to her mini-bar and begins to retrieve glasses. “Allura, pick your poison.”
“Poison?”
“It’s just a way of saying ‘have a drink’.”
“Oh. What if I don’t have a poison?”
“We’ll find you one, then,” Lynne replies. She pauses in thought, then she mixes up a drink and carries it over to the princess. “Here, try this on for size.”
Allura takes the glass and studies the red liquid in it. “What is it?”
“That would be a ‘Bama Slamma’,” Shannon replies.
“A what?”
“An Alabama Slammer,” Shannon says. “It’s one of my favorites.”
Allura takes a cautious sip and looks pleased. “Oh...it tastes like tropical fruit juice!”
“That’s because she knows how to mix one right.” Desi tells her. “I’ll take one of those while you’re at it, Lynne.”
“Me too!” Shannon pipes up.
“All righty, then,” Lynne says with a smile. She begins to mix drinks for the whole group while Caro and Leila head to the kitchen to get some snacks. Allura takes a bigger gulp of her drink and I tap her arm. “Go slow, hon, or that’ll bite you in the butt.”
Allura makes a dismissing wave at me. “It’s okay, Tasia, I’ve had drinks before.”
“Oh yeah? When?”
“I had two whole glasses of wine at the banquet we held at the castle after my last charity event.”
“That was eight months ago, girly-girl. You drink anything since then?”
“No.”
“You drink anything before that?”
“Yes, for your information. I drank champagne at the first graduation of cadets from the Arus Space Academy.”
“And that was two years ago. You think that’s drinking?”
She gives me a lofty look. “Tasia, I’m a big girl. I can hold my liquor.” She waves her glass at me in salute. It’s already half empty. I shrug inwardly. The girl’s gotta learn the hangover lesson sometime...
“Let’s watch a movie,” Desi says. “What do we pick first?”
“Let’s watch Grease!” Allura says.
“Grease?”
“Grease,” she replies with a smile. “Please...?”
Desi shrugs. “Okay, Grease it is.”
“Yay!” Allura bounces on the couch and takes another sip from her glass. Caro pops up a hefty bowl of popcorn and we settle back to enjoy the show.
“It’s sundown, Keith.” Lance looks at the darkening sky outside the windows of the sitting room. “And no sign of Allura or her vixen brigade.”
“I know.” I begin to pace. “At least I’m sure they have the sense to keep her safe, wherever she may happen to be.”
Pidge and Galen enter the room, wheeling a cart laden with food. “Here it is, Keith. We talked Nanny into letting us take it to Allura’s room for her.”
“How did you manage that?”
Pidge gives Galen a nudge. Galen gets this sad, soulful look on his face that could make Hagar think twice about being mean. Pidge grins.
“No lady can stand up to the ‘little orphan waif’ look.”
“Tasia can,” Galen says.
“That’s because she knows us. But Nanny fell for it hook, line and sinker.”
“I’m impressed. I really am. Hunk, Dunkirk, it’s up to you two now.”
“Aye, Captain.” Dunkirk gives him an informal salute and the two of them dig into the food. Keith looks around at me. “Any more ideas, Dexter? You were right on target with the food court theory.”
“Well, I agree with you that the princess is safe. And because of that, I think they’d almost have to take her to one of the girl’s apartments. The only thing with more security than that condo is the castle itself.”
I point a finger at him. “Good point. Very good point. Now we need to send out a scout to pinpoint their position. Alan?”
“Yessir?”
“Take a quick trip out to the condo. See if they’re there, but don’t alert them to your presence if you find them. They could just find another place to hide out, and we’d be going on a wild goose chase. Radio me as soon as you find out one way or the other.”
“Yessir.” Alan salutes and leaves. I shake my head and run a hand through my hair. Allura, what in the world are you up to?
Allura’s been getting more and more giddy as the evening progresses. But that has as much to with the Slammers - she’s on drink number three - as it does with the spicy conversation. The Three Amigas are telling a story from their many exploits during their Academy days.
“...and then Shannon unlocks the door, because she knows the beta access code,” Lynne gets a wide grin. “So there we are, roaming around in the men’s locker room, and we hear someone singing to themselves on the other side of this row of lockers. We brace ourselves for the attack, and then we did this Charlie’s Angel’s thing, went dashing around the corner, Caro’s got the laser pistol pointed, and we all yell, ‘Freeze, this is a boxer raid!’ at the top of our lungs. And it was Hunk we came up on.”
“We startled him,” Caro adds, “and he dropped the towel he was wrapping around himself at the time.” She shakes her head slowly with admiration in her voice. “My, my, my...”
“Yeah,” Shannon sighs and she holds her hands in the air about ten inches apart. “We’re talking thiiiis big.”
The rest of the girls erupt in squeals of laughter and red-faced giggling. All except Allura, that is. She blinks at me.
“What’s she talking about, Tasia? What’s that big on Hunk?”
The girls laugh again, harder this time. Allura frowns a little, looking annoyed that there’s a joke she’s not in on. “Come on, somebody tell me what it is!”
Desiree leans close to Allura’s ear and whispers an explanation. Allura’s eyes get very large and her cheeks get very red.
“Well,” she says after a minute. “If I’d known that, I would have made sure to kiss him on the love bridge.”
We all fall out from laughter this time. Allura gets a good belly laugh and then she quiets down. “Okay, I have a question now,” she says. “Does anyone know...how big Lance is?”
“Lance?” I arch an eyebrow at her.
She shrugs. “I’ve always been curious, that’s all.”
Everyone exchanges looks, then we all turn to Shannon. She feigns innocence. “Why is everyone looking at me? I don’t have the faintest idea.”
“Ooh, you liar,” Caro says. “You both disappeared halfway through our graduation ceremony on Arus One and nobody saw you again until he went planet side with the rest of the guys on the shuttle.”
“All right, fine, I confess.” Shannon gets an impish twinkle to her eyes. “He’s...a very comfortable fit. We’ll leave it at that.”
More squeals ensue and then we all press her for details until she finally caves. Allura listens intently as Shannon relates the tale, and she looks very thoughtful once the story has ended.
“So how do you learn how to do that? The oral sex part, I mean.”
“Bananas,” Leila says.
I wrinkle my nose. “That’s an old wives’ tale. You just have to go with the flow. I mean, let’s say you decided to get frisky with Cap’n Keithie. He’d help you figure it out. A guy will always let you know if you’re doing it right.”
“Maybe so, but it’s also good to have to have a technique or two familiarized,” Shannon says.
“Too bad Keith isn’t here now,” Allura says with a devilish laugh. “I’d love to have the opportunity to practice.”
I look at Shannon. Shannon looks at me. We smile at each other.
“You mean that, Allura?” I ask her.
“You bet,” she replies with drunken bravado. “You bring me that man, toss him in a bedroom, hand me a bottle of chocolate syrup and stand back. I’ll figure it out from there.”
Shannon studies her carefully. “Is that a royal order?”
“Sure!” Allura grins sloppily. Shannon looks at me, nods toward the door and starts off with me right behind her.
“How we gonna pull this one off, Shanny? We can’t overpower him, and we can’t use a stun beam - that’ll just knock him out, and he’ll be no good for the princess, then.”
“Have you ever heard of the ‘buzz’ setting?”
“No. What’s that?”
“You know how Arusians are really safety-minded with their products, right? Well, the designers of the TAP-009 laser pistol argued that a regular stun beam might be too powerful a setting if for some odd reason the weapon were used on a child. So an adjustment actually exists that allows a stun beam to operate at a lower setting. It makes an adult-sized person lock up for about ten minutes or so, and during that time it makes you feel like your body has fallen asleep. That’s why it’s called a ‘buzz’. But the manufacturers realized eventually that it wasn’t entirely practical, so they didn’t make it an available setting for newer models. You have to take a weapon apart and switch a couple of jumpers to use it.”
“I get it. We give Cap’n Keithie a buzz, wrap him up and give him to Allura to unwrap again.”
“You got it.”
“That is wicked cool. We is being soooo bad,” I say as we step out into parking lot.
“Blame it on Alabama,” Shannon replies.
We snicker and giggle our way to the car.
| To Allura's New Groove: Part 9 |
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To Allura's New Groove: Part 11 |