ALLURA'S NEW GROOVE - PART 8

“Damn it!” Shannon hisses under her breath as we huddle in the middle of a ring of slacks. “Leave it to Lance to be Mister Observant at a time like this.”

“How are we going to get out of here, Tasia?” Allura wrings her hands. “If Keith finds me, I’m going to get a lecture about my personal safety and making people worry, then he’ll escort me back to the castle, more lectures from Coran and Nanny...and all before I get to have any fun at all.”

Shannon makes a face. “Hang on, I’m thinking, I’m thinking...”

I crouch down to get a peek close to the floor. “They’re spreading themselves thin. We might be able to make a break for it...no, wait. Galen and Pidge are standing near the door.”

Shannon smiles a little. “Did you say Galen...and Pidge?”

“I sure did.”

“I have an idea, then. Let me see if I can sneak out of here.” She cautiously pushes the clothes apart and sticks her head out, only to find herself nearly nose to cheek with a fully-occupied pair of jeans. She withdraws immediately.

“Oopsie, hang on. Keith is out there.”

Allura blinks. “That was Keith? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Here, have a good look.” She nudges the slacks aside again and Allura takes a second look.

“Oh yes, that’s him all right,” she whispers, “I’d know that butt anywhere. Oh, I can’t believe I just said that!” She claps a hand over her mouth to keep from giggling. Shannon puts a finger to her lips, then she slips out of hiding on the opposite side of the clothes rack and crawls toward the front door.

“What’s she going to do?” Allura asks.

“I think she’s going to turn Pidge to the dark side, by the looks of it. Get ready to split the scene, princess.”

Lance is systematically searching through each and every possible concealment he can find as he works his way through the store. He rifles through clothes racks and peeks behind displays with a look of determination on his face. He’s out to prove his theory is right, so he’s not going to stop until he finds us. That means he’s beyond any means of persuasion. We’ve been forced to retreat twice so far, and the number of hiding places still available in this section of the store is rapidly running out. Caro looks around at me.

“There’s nowhere else we can go between here and the back door, Lynne. Now what?”

“Now we take matters into our own hands. Follow me, on my cue.” I slip out of our hiding place and stay low as I round the far end of the rack. Caro follows right behind me, anxious but quiet.

“What are we going to do?” She whispers at me as I grab a package of socks off of a nearby shelf.

“On the count of three - I’ll go high, you go low, and then we go in there.” I nod toward one of the dressing booths. “Think self-defense training in this circumstance.”

Caro blinks in surprise. “Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack. And remember, we have to move fast.” I rise up on my haunches as Lance gets closer. Caro gives a casual shrug and follows my lead. When Lance gets within reach, we pounce on him all at once and drag him behind the clothes rack. He starts to react but holds off when he sees that it’s us. His mouth falls open in surprise, and that’s when I stuff a balled-up sock in his mouth. When he attempts to strong-arm us, we simply tickle his armpits and he’s reduced to twitching helplessness as Caro and I drag him off. I step back out of the dressing booth to motion to Leila and Camille, and tell them to bring some belts along with them.

“See any of the girls over there, Alan?”

“No, Dexter - still looking.”

“Okay.” I glance at a nearby hat rack and see that it’s too open for anyone to hide behind. But when Lance insists on something being a certain way and even goes as far to voice a theory on how it could work, he’s usually right. Judging by the look of concern on Keith’s face as he searches the area, he believes it too. And if it is, I just know Tasia had a major hand in it. How am I supposed to stick up for her in a situation like this?

Ten yards or so on my left, Lance is going from point to point, looking in every nook and cranny he can find. He is nothing if not thorough. I shrug to myself and start toward the sports section. Behind me I hear what sounds like a startled yelp that’s suddenly cut off. When I look around I don’t see anything out of the ordinary.

I also don’t see Lance anymore. What the...?

I start back in that direction.

Lance glares up at me as I tie the handkerchief snugly around his mouth, then I turn to Caro. “That was a great idea.”

“I think it works better than the sock, anyway,” she replies and gives Lance a sympathetic look. He doesn’t look persuaded by it. I reach down and pat the top of his head.

“There there, dear. I know you’ll get out of that eventually, we just need to buy some time. See you around.” I open the door just a crack and yank it shut again. “Damn it!”

Camille looks up from tying Lance’s ankles together. “What?”

“Dexter’s headed this way. He must have heard us jump Lance, and now he’s coming over to investigate.”

Leila looks thoughtful. “There’s still plenty of belts left.”

“Good point.” I ball up the other sock. “Okay girls, get ready.”

“Dude, do you really think Shannon helped the princess sneak out to go shopping?” Galen is caught between being concerned and amused. “If she did, Keith is totally going to bust her, big time.”

“I’m not saying she did. I just think I know how she rigged up the intercom based on Lance’s theory. It would be pretty clever, especially since she only had a few hours to put it all -”

A motion behind Galen catches my eye. Shannon is peeking out from a rack of sport jackets. She smiles and wiggles her fingers at me. I start to raise my hand to wave back but Galen is giving me a funny look.

“What are you looking at...?” He glances over his shoulder but Shannon has ducked out of sight by then. He turns back to me. “What was it?”

“When?”

“Just a second ago.”

“Nothing. I was thinking about something.”

“Like what?”

“Like how we could calculate where the girls are hiding.” I walk over to him, drape an arm around his shoulders and deliberately turn him toward the interior of the store. “You see how big this place is, right?”

“Right.”

“So let’s think in terms of open space versus hidden space. They obviously have to find places to hide that are large enough to conceal at least one girl from view. An average woman of about five feet six requires a very specific amount of cubic space to hide in. And we have to think in terms of actual volume regardless of shape, because it would be more of a vertical arrangement for a place, like, say...behind that razor display. But if someone hid in that spot between that table with the jeans all over it and the wall, we’re talking more of a horizontal rectangular shape.”

Galen turns thoughtful. “Yeah, and there’s the multiplication factor for each extra person...so the number of ideal hiding places is strictly limited to objects that allow the minimum amount of total volume or greater. Plus or minus three cubic feet, that is.”

Shannon peeks out again. I give her a thumbs-up behind Galen’s back. She blows me a kiss and makes an all-clear gesture toward one of the aforementioned clothing racks. Tasia climbs out of it then, followed by Desiree and...Allura? Is that Allura? It is!

“Holy shit!” I exclaim out loud.

Galen blinks at me. “What? Three cubic feet is enough to cover all the little irregularities, even in cramped quarters.”

“Too big. I was thinking more like one point five to two feet, tops.”

“I think you need to factor larger margins of error into your calculations, dude.”

“No I don’t. That’s what separates the geniuses from the mega-geniuses. Precision is king.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Come on - we better get back to keeping watch.”

“Yeah.”

“I dunno about this, Dunny.” I fold my arms and lean against the wall by the back exit. “I don’t think the gals are in here after all. If they were smart, they would have just zipped straight through the store and out this door, especially if they were trying to duck the Chief.”

“Aye, but I donna smell Lynne’s perfume back here, so I donna think they got this far. It’s a matter o’ -” He straightens up suddenly and looks toward the front of the store, his eyes narrowing as his gaze fixes on an area near the dressing rooms.

“Dunny...what’s up?”

“Well, in me personal experience, a pair o’ britches donna move around unless they’ve got a pair o’ legs in ‘em. And there’s no one lookin’ at the pants on th’ rack over there where I saw th’ movement. So either I’ve spotted some o’ our quarry or there’s wee folk runnin' loose here on Arus.”

“Go check it out. I’ll cover the door.”

He gives a curt nod and walks quickly toward the area he spotted the activity, slowing his steps and crouching down as he closes range. I wonder who’s hiding out over there. Guess I’ll find out in a couple of minutes.

“What a bummer, Lynne.” Leila sighs as we creep toward the front of the store. “Two guys all tied up, and we have to leave them behind.”

“Too bad one of them wasn’t Hunk,” Caro whispers back with a giggle. It seems her nervousness is gone for good, now that she realizes that we’re way past the point of rejection. We’re all in for it now. It’s just a matter of final sentencing. But damned if we aren’t going to get some fun out of it first.

I peek around the last display between us and our freedom. Pidge and Galen are keeping watch by the door. Pidge spots me from where I’m peeking, and I’m about to panic. But he winks at me and takes care to distract Galen from looking my way. Seems like Shannon managed to recruit him to our side. The poor kid has such a crush on her, bless his heart.

I motion to Caro to go first, and she slips out and away. It takes a minute or two before Leila and Camille can make their break for freedom as well. I sit on my knees briefly as I wait for my turn to sneak out. A very soft creak like the shift of weight on padded carpet comes from behind me. I turn my head and find Dunkirk on hands and knees, staring me in the face.

“Hullo there, lass,” he says cheerfully. “Fancy meeting ye here.”

I give an involuntary shriek and attempt to spring to my feet, but he snags me by the upper arm to tug me back. I land firmly on my butt and he moves around to try and pin me. Before he can get a good angle on me I sit upright quickly, take his face in my hands and kiss him hard. He gives a muffled grunt of surprise and relaxes for just a fraction of a second. I lean against him, keep one hand on his cheek and continue the kiss as I let my other hand slide down the front of his body. He relaxes further, settling back on his haunches. I free the top button of his jeans, grab the zipper pull and yank it down. Then I shove him backward with all my might and use the impetus to get to my feet and dash for the door. I hear him swear, fumble, and then there’s a loud crash, but I don’t turn to look. Whatever may have happened, it was pretty spectacular, judging by Pidge and Galen’s laughter.

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that Allura actually snuck out of the castle. What is she trying to prove? Why would she do that? Damn it, if Tasia had just told me what was bothering her when I asked, we could have talked and I’m sure I would have found a way to settle the problem. If shopping is all she wants to do, I know I could get Pidge to search up enough on-line shopping stores to keep her happy for hours on end. She doesn’t have to pull crazy stunts like this. And where is she hiding, anyway? I’ve looked everywhere but the dressing rooms...

The dressing rooms.

That’s the last place I’d think to look, isn’t it? Too un-princess like. But she’s already admitted her desire to do un-princess like things. Aha. Now I’m catching on to your line of thinking, my dear little Allura. Evil Keith wins at last. Hah.

I walk over to the row of booths and pause at the first door that doesn’t have an ‘occupied’ tag hanging from it, reach for the knob, turn it slowly and yank the door open. Empty. I go on to a second one, and a third. Same result. There’s only one door left at the end of the row. There you are...

I creep up quietly, take hold of the doorknob, turn it and fling the door open. “Now then, princess,” I say as I step into the booth, “you’ve got a lot of explaining to -”

Lance and Dexter blink up at me from where they sit on the floor, bound and gagged. I blink back at them. “What the - ?”

Lance immediately begins to fuss and struggle. I kneel down beside him and pull his gag off. “What happened?”

“I was ambushed, that’s what happened!” He snaps. “The redhead did it - her and her cute little associates. They jumped me and tied me up, and then they nailed Dexter when he came over to investigate.”

I look around at Dexter. He gives a solemn nod.

“Which redhead are we talking about - Desiree or our sweet little castle librarian?”

“It was Lynne. Sweet little librarian, my Red Lion’s butt,” he snarls. “She’s the one who coordinated the attack. And Caro - quiet little Caroline, of all people! She was helping.”

“And you’re telling me you couldn’t stand up to a librarian and a translator?”

“They had assistance, for your information. Leila and Camille got in on it, too. And they were tickling me!” He protests. “They went for the armpits! Everyone’s ticklish in the armpits.”

Dexter looks thoughtful for a second and nods again. I shake my head and begin to loosen the belt tied around Lance’s wrists. “Was Allura with them?”

“No, I didn’t see her. But Tasia, Desiree and Shannon are still unaccounted for. She could be with them.” I get his hands free and he starts to untie his legs as I get Dexter loose.

“Bloody damn hell!” Comes a cry from the front of the store. It sounds like Dunkirk. A loud crash follows a second later. We all spring to our feet and step out into the store to see what’s going on.

Pidge and Galen are gathering around an overturned clothing rack, laughing their heads off. A trio of store clerks rush over to the spot and take a step or two backward as shirts and slacks start flying about and a very perturbed-looking Dunkirk emerges from the wreckage. He turns away from the spectators and zips himself up discreetly. Dexter and I exchange glances.

“Wonder what that was about,” I muse aloud.

“I don’t think I want to know,” Dexter replies.

“Me neither,” Lance says and we all head over to the accident scene. Dunkirk steps out of the pile of clothing and dusts himself off.

“You okay, Dunny?” Galen asks.

“Aye,” he mutters. “Which way did she go?”

“Which way did who go?” I ask him.

“That red-haired demoness, th’ one we call Lynne,” he says with a pout. “Kissin’ an’ fondlin’ and takin’ advantage of me male tendencies t’ throw me off-guard an’ make her escape.”

“Told you she was evil,” Lance says to me.

“Okay guys, over here.” I motion to the other side of the storefront. Hunk and Alan detour our way as well, having come up to check out the commotion.

“Look, this much we know. Lance voiced the theory that Allura is on the loose and roaming through the mall with the rest of the girls as her cohorts, and there’s reason to believe he’s right. We can’t call the castle and ask Coran to confirm whether or not Allura is there, for obvious reasons. So we have to assume for now that she really is in the mall. That being the case, we’ve got to find her and get her back on castle grounds before someone else happens to notice the same little detail that Lance did, or, worse still, Coran or Nanny decide to use the override code to Allura’s bedroom door.”

“Ooh, that would be bad,” Alan says quietly.

“Absolutely. And now we’ve got to form a working strategy. This is war.”

To Allura's New Groove: Part 7

To Allura's New Groove: Part 9