ALLURA'S NEW GROOVE - PART 7

“Okay guys,” Dexter says. “Where first?”

“Let’s go to the Voltron Store!” Pidge says. “The Limited Edition Sven figure should be in by now.”

“Limited Edition?” I make a face at him. “What’s so special about Sven?”

“He’s not a member of the team anymore, Lance. Remember?”

“Is there a Romelle doll to go with it?” Dexter asks with a grin.

“Sort of. She’s in the Alliance Expansion Set, Pollux Series.”

“Hey,” Alan says, “what about us? Is there a Team Two set yet?”

Pidge looks thoughtful. “I think so...”

Alan nudges Dexter. “Come on, let’s go have a look. I want to see if they got my good side.”

I grin at him. “You mean you have one?”

“Of course I do, Lance. Everyone knows I’m better-looking than you are.”

Keith sighs and shakes his head. “Can we please go and get this over with?”

That said, we all head for the Voltron Store. Pidge points at the twelve-foot tall replica of the mighty robot standing to the right of the door. “I need one of those for my collection.”

Galen arches an eyebrow. “Where would you put it?”

“I’d store it at the apartment with all my other stuff. It would fit in the dining room.”

“Oh yeah.”

Keith lingers near the back of the group as we enter. I can’t really blame him. We deal with the real thing every day - what do we need to look at the toys for?

Pidge and Galen promptly take off for a display with a picture of Sven on it. Hunk and Dunkirk pause by the end of an aisle and Hunk pulls a small box off of the shelf. It has a picture of Yellow Lion on the side of it.

“Here ya go, Dunny,” he says, “your fifteen minutes of fame.”

Dunkirk grins. “Well, I’ll be...” He opens the box and pulls the figure out to look at it. “Hey, look at that, they’ve even got me braid. But that’s not me nose...is it?”

“Lemme see.” Hunk takes the figure and gives it a close look. “Yeah... I think it is.”

“Hmm. I didna realize it was that stubby, ye know?”

Keith is wandering aimlessly from one spot to another, looking lost. He comes to a life-sized cardboard standup of himself in uniform propped up beside a display full of Black Lion toys. He blinks, frowns, then he strikes the exact same pose with a cheesy grin for a second, rolls his eyes and keep on walking. I chuckle to myself and stroll off in another direction.

“...and as Keith’s wingman, I’m pretty much second-in-command for all intents and purposes,” I hear from just around the far end of the aisle.

“Wow, that must be a tough job,” I hear a girl say.

“It takes a tough guy to do a tough job,” is the reply.

This of course is making me very curious, since I’m the one that’s supposed to be Keith’s wingman and that is definitely not me. It doesn’t even sound remotely like me. I pause at the corner and peek around the shelves.

The Lance impersonator in question has my features for the most part. But he’s slightly heavier, has darker hair, his eyes are brown and I wouldn’t be caught in a shirt like that to save my life if I could help it. At least he’s got the hands in the pocket thing right.

The girl he’s trying to impress is a blonde, gum-chomping, wide-eyed bimbo who appears to be hanging on his every word. He gives her a cocky smile (definitely need to work on that, pal) before he launches into his latest exploits in Red Lion. I sure wish I could kill that many robeasts single-handedly with just my Lion Knife. I could save the rest of the team a whole lot of work that way.

“So what does your girlfriend think of all the risks you take?” The girl asks.

Oh man, she’s left herself wide open for that one...

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he replies. “I...can’t put a woman through that sort of torment, having to worry about whether I’ll come back from a battle or not.”

“You must be awful lonely.”

Oh, geeze...

“Yeah, you could say that.”

Okay, time to break up this little charade. I walk around the aisle and clear my throat. Both of them look at me. I give the wannabe one of the most pleasant, cheerful I’m-gonna-rip-your-head-off smiles I can manage. He starts to get an expression of indignation, but then he seems to realize that he’s dealing with the genuine article.

“Hey, Lance,” I say to him. “I think I heard your name over the PA system. Maybe your Captain is trying to page you.”

“Wow...” The girl blinks at me. “Who are you?”

Oh, brother. It wouldn’t be good to attract too much public attention right about now, so...

“I’m his stunt double. We switch from time to time to keep Lotor fooled. But right now I have some time off, so there won’t be any more fooling for awhile.” I look at the pseudo-Lance again. He gets the hint and breaks into a big smile.

“You’re right - time for me to go see about that call. Could be an emergency, after all.” He gives the girl a quick little wave and hurries off. I keep my eye on him until he’s out of sight. The girl gives me a smile.

“You know, you’re kinda cute for just a stunt double.”

I wink at her. “I have to be, sweetheart. That’s my job after all, to make him look good.”

“I think you’re better-looking than he is, really.”

You bet I am, toots.

“Thanks. Listen, I have to get going. Me and my friends are out shopping.”

“More stunt doubles?”

“Yeah. We have the whole team here.”

“Cool. I hope I bump into some of the others. I’d like to see if they’re as close a match as you are.” She blows a bubble and wanders off. I shrug to myself and head for the Red Lion section.

Shannon, Leila and Camille are sitting on a bench near the pretzels place, looking bored. Leila checks her watch, Shannon studies her nails. Camille spots us first as we get close and waves at us. Then all three of them get up to meet us halfway.

“It’s about time you got here,” Shannon says. “We were getting worried.” She pauses to look Allura over. “Okay, the tinted glasses are good, helps break up her profile...who’s responsible for the sweater? It does not go with that skirt.” She wrinkles her nose and puts her hands on her hips. “Not one bit. The fabric is too light.”

“We improvised,” Caro says.

“Badly,” Shannon replies.

“Well, that’s what shopping is for, right?” Allura says with a smile. “I can find a skirt that goes with this sweater. Maybe it’ll be a poodle skirt!” She walks away from us all then, humming the ‘Grease’ theme as she goes. We all exchange glances.

“So whose idea was this, anyway?” I ask aloud.

“Yours, Tasia,” the girls all reply in unison. I cringe a little.

“Yeah, yeah...let’s catch up with her so she doesn’t get lost. Come on.”

This is really strange. There’s dozens of people walking around, looking at the Captain Keith displays, buying dolls for their children and, in some cases, for themselves. And here I am, the inspiration for all those miniature duplicates, and no one is giving me a second glance. Without the red jumpsuit, I’m just another face in the crowd. I guess that’s a blessing in disguise. We’ve pretty much reached full-blown celebrity status in the eyes of most Arusians. It’s not bad when we’re trying to attract donations for one of Allura’s charity functions, but otherwise it can be a real pain.

Lance suddenly emerges from the aisle right next to mine and makes a beeline for the exit - wait, that’s not him. The shirt is different - and awful. It looks like a disco nightmare on crack, some weird iridescent fabric thing with breast pockets. Lance would never wear something like that, not even on a dare.

“Did you get a load of that guy?” Lance’s voice comes from my right. “Trying to pass himself off as me to pick up chicks. What a loser.”

“Why - don’t you try to pass yourself off as you to pick up chicks?”

“Ha, ha.”

“I take it you chased him off.”

“Of course I did. He’s not only a loser, he’s got a serious wardrobe problem. Wouldn’t want the girl to think I actually have that bad a taste in clothing. Talk about -”

A woman in her late thirties walks up to the shelves near us and picks up a Keith doll. “There you are, honey,” she purrs. “Come to Mommy.” She cradles the box lovingly as she heads for the cashier with an odd sort of gleam in her eyes. Lance and I exchange looks.

“Okay, now I’m afraid,” he says.

“You’re afraid? That was me she was carrying away, thank you.”

“Shall we leave?”

“Yeah, I think we should go. Pidge should have his usual truckload of stuff by now.”

Lance looks toward the store entrance. “You’re right. He and Galen are already sitting outside.”

“Let’s go see what the rest of the guys are doing.” We begin to search for the others. Hunk, Dunkirk and Alan are in the checkout line. Dexter is nowhere to be found. After a few minutes of searching we find him playing around with one of the product displays; he’s got his doll seated in the command chair of a Castle Arus Deluxe Playset and he’s in the process of putting a Tasia doll on its lap. He looks around and gives us both a sheepish grin. “Hey, guys.”

“Dexter,” I reply with a nod. “Having fun?”

He scratches at a temple. “Umm...I was just seeing if they would both fit on the chair...guess they wouldn’t.” He puts the dolls back on their stands and replaces the clear covering over the display. “Silly me.”

“You’re a sick man, Dexter, and I’m glad you’re not my Captain,” Lance says.

Dexter nods his head in the direction where Pidge and Galen are sitting. “Hey, at least I didn’t buy a Beach Babe Barbara and start calling it Shannon.”

Lance looks at me. “I really think you need to have a talk with Pidge.”

“I think I have stress.”

“Shopping is supposed to reduce stress,” Dexter says.

“It’s not working. Let’s get out of here.”

Our visit to the first store - a women’s clothing outlet - goes without a hitch until the moment Allura hands over her credit card and ID to the cashier. The woman takes one look at the cards and then she becomes a blubbering, babbling idiot. Some of the other clerks look around to see what the fuss is all about. Shannon does some quick damage control while I walk the cashier through her paces so we can get the bill paid and Allura through the door. The girls crowd around to keep the princess concealed from view as we hurry along the walkway.

“Where to now, Tasia?” Shannon asks as she catches up to us.

I take a quick glance back at the crowd of employees and customers that have gathered at the entrance to watch after us. “Anywhere, as long as it’s on the other side of the mall.”

“What about a lingerie shop?” Allura asks.

“Girl, you’re stirring up enough trouble as it is,” I say to her. “What do you think will happen if word gets out that you’re in a dressing room trying on panties?”

She pouts. “You promised.”

“We might as well go for broke while we’re here,” Shannon says. “It can’t get any worse.”

“I have news for you,” Desi says and points across the floor to a familiar group of men walking in the opposite direction. “It’s worse. I think Lance just spotted us.”

“Detour!” Lynne exclaims and we duck through the nearest doorway at hand. I look back to see what the guys are doing. Lance is saying something to Keith and Dexter and pointing in the general direction of the shop we’re in. Keith rubs his chin in thought, then they all look up at the storefront and exchange looks. I take a quick look around the area and my gaze falls on a male mannequin dressed in nothing but a pair of boxers. Shannon blinks at a display of shirts on her left.

“Shit,” she says, “we’re in a men’s clothing store!”

“Hide!” Lynne exclaims. “We have to hide!”

“Where?” Caro wails.

“Anywhere, Caro,” I tell her. “There’s plenty of clothing racks around here. We’ll split into two groups. Shanny, Desi and I will hide the princess on the left, you find cover on the right -”

“Shaggy, you and Scooby take the middle. Thelma, Daphne and I will go this way,” Lynne quips.

“Umm...how about we just try to circle our way around toward the door and get out as fast as we can?”

“I’m all for that,” Desi says. “Scatter, girlfriends, here they come!”

“Okay Lance, so where are they?” Dexter makes a quick once-over of the area and shrugs. “No girls here, man.”

I fold my arms and frown at him. “I don’t see any of them either, Lance.”

“I’m telling you, I saw Tasia come into this store. I know it was her. I could spot those big - umm, earrings of hers a mile away. And I saw Shannon, Lynne...just about all of them, I think.”

Everyone starts giving Lance skeptical looks, except for Dunkirk. He’s wandering around the immediate area, pausing to sniff the air at random intervals. Lance makes a face at him. “Dunny, what the heck are you doing?”

“I’m followin’ me nose. It donna steer me wrong too often.” He stops cold in an open space between the slacks section and the cashier’s counter. “Aye, Lynne was here, all right. I can smell her perfume.”

“Which proves nothing,” Hunk says. “Maybe they came in to buy some gifts and left again.”

“But they just now came in,” Lance insists. “They should still be here. Where did they go?”

Alan shrugs. “What’s the big deal anyway? So they walked into a men’s clothing store.”

“They didn’t walk in, they ran. Like they were trying to hide something...or hide from us. And now that I think of it, they might just have a reason to.” He looks around at me. “A very good reason, as a matter of fact, Cap'n.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Remember when you stopped by Allura’s room to see how she was right before we left? When she answered your buzz at the door, there was no noise in the background. But there was music playing in her room - a CD or a movie or something. We should have heard the same music playing through the intercom as well.”

“I didn’t hear any difference, Lance.”

“Of course not. You were distracted.”

“Not that distracted. I buzzed the com three times, and she gave me three different answers. How do you suppose that was faked, assuming it was?”

Pidge blinks. “Whoa...I know! It could have been a randomizer module set in synch with the intercom and a collection of voice files saved in a digital sound array for the playback.”

Lance nods toward Pidge. “Yeah, what he said. And there’s only one person I know of besides Pidge that could have pulled it off.”

Galen clears his throat nosily and raises a hand. Lance glances at him. “Okay, correction...there’s only one person I know of besides Pidge and Galen that could have pulled it off. And she’s also one of the ones that came in here in a hurry.”

“Shannon?”

“Shannon.” Lance replies with a nod. “And there’s only one reason for her to go to that length to make everyone think that Allura’s holed up in her room. Because Allura isn’t in her room, she’s out here somewhere. And that’s what they’re trying to hide.”

“All right, Lance...if what you’re saying is true, there’s a certain group of young woman that’s going to be in a lot of trouble when we find them. Pidge, Galen, you watch the front of the store. Dunkirk, you and Hunk watch the back exit. The rest of you, split up and search the area.”

To Allura's New Groove: Part 6

To Allura's New Groove: Part 8